Posted by BY J E SOLOMON
Statistics today show that 43-50% of traditional marriages don’t last. This isn’t a surprise. The institution of marriage has been losing its ground for many years now. The days when couples tried so hard to keep their marriage, against all odds, and did everything they could with concerted effort and prayer support to make it work now appear to be a thing of the past. People are no longer willing to take the unpleasant shots that come with marriage. The lure of an independent life, and the freedom to do whatever one desires, have become more attractive than the trappings of marriage. No wonder, therefore, that the sanctity of marriage is not held in high esteem today as before.
According to a data on marriage in the United States that was posted in October, 2012 by Irvin McKinley, a family law firm, “there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That’s nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year. The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.
- “41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
- 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
- 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.”
Check the link at the bottom for more shocking divorce statistics:
While abuse, cheating, money problems, and sex issues may be key factors that lead to divorce, often the lack of trust and openness tend to tear marriages apart very easily. Some people fail to realize that the blueprint for a successful marriage is a conscious effort to change their mean attitudes, let go of pride and self-centeredness and to lean more toward the things that enhance total well-being of both partners. Unfortunately, in many marriages today, there’s the tendency among couples to put personal interests over mutual interests to the detriment of the marriage. Besides, too much is placed on things physical and worldly to the exclusion of things spiritual.
Love and marriage are aspects of human life that will always present challenges. When love becomes more of a feeling or a means to achieve a desired objective, and it’s devoid of sound judgment that embraces mind and spirit, chances are that serious challenges will occur. Without strong intellectual and spiritual blending, physical love has little chance for survival. Some marriages may seem to be healthy while, in fact, there may be serious conflicts. When divorce or separation hits such marriages, people often tend to wonder what went wrong.
Walls don’t normally collapse with the first sign of hairline crack. Usually it’s the thin line cracks that eventually widen to weaken the strength of a wall or building to cause a collapse. It’s the same with marriage. There’re some spouses out there ignoring the simple things that really matter most to their partners. To them those issues aren’t too important. Strong, lasting relationship is all about compromising and a willingness to sacrifice; seeking guidance regularly through prayer and meditation; a kindly desire to surrender what you’re unwilling to give away and to take what you’re not willing to accept will go a long way to ensure optimum happiness. Of course no sane person will accept to do anything that’s destructive and evil, or that will demean the person. Couples should not ignore the so-called insignificant things. They’re like little cracks in a wall. Ignore them and they’ll soon become dangerous cracks that will lead to collapse of the marriage.
It may surprise you that some of these seemingly insignificant issues become the hurricanes that devastate a marriage. I know of a 14-year marriage that broke up because of pepper sauce that was put in an aluminum dish instead of the nicely decorated Pyrex bowl the husband preferred. The husband had complained about a previous such incident when his male friends came over for an in-house get-together party. He didn’t like the “less presentable aluminum dish” the wife used. The wife thought it was no big deal, and she did it again at another time to the utter disgust of her husband. Well, she got the marital red card – divorce – and that was the end of their marriage. All attempts to reunite the couple failed. The husband insisted he was fed up with a Jezebel of a wife and that he wasn’t open to a reunion. Interestingly, this woman allegedly used the nicest plates and bowls whenever she had her own familiar guests. What would you say about such a wife? What would she have lost by yielding to the husband’s request? Somehow, she was disobedient and just unwilling to abide by a harmless directive. A Jezebel, indeed! Obedience, understanding and mutual respect – they’re priceless.
I find great wisdom in this quotation by ERICH FROMM: “Love is a decision, it is a judgment; it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?”
Here’s the link to the divorce statistics: http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/blog/divorce/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/
To be continued.
Copyright © 2014: John E Solomon. All rights reserved